Giant Steps Read online

  He pursed his lips tightly. She was afraid he was going to say, “No.”

  “I’m doing it because of Nick,” Bernie said.

  Mother came back into the dining room. As she handed Papa a glass of water, she put her hand on Papa’s arm and looked at him without saying a word. Papa didn’t speak either. He just nodded. Bernie got up from the table and put her arms around him and hugged him.

  The following Saturday afternoon, Bernie tried to decide which dress she should wear. Finally, she selected a plain navy blue shirtwaist. She wondered if she should wear a hat and gloves, as though this were a proper social call, such as the ones she and Mother made when they went to see Grandmother Epperson. She finally decided to wear a small white straw boater. She pulled a scarf from the drawer to tie her hat on her head as they rode in Grandmother Epperson’s open touring car. She could carry gloves in case she needed them.

  Bernie looked through her desk to find writing paper and a pen. She wanted to be prepared if she was asked to write a letter. She started down the stairs and then turned back. Perhaps she ought to take a book, too. She looked at the books on her shelf. What would be appropriate for a wounded soldier? She doubted that anything she had would be appropriate. What soldier would want to hear her read books that were meant for young girls? Bernie considered Helen Keller’s autobiography. That might be good inspiration as it was about someone overcoming seemingly insurmountable challenges. Then she thought that perhaps her brothers would have something more appropriate. She went to Nick’s room, but found mostly books about war. There was the Personal Memoirs of U.S. Grant as well as Lew Wallace, an Autobiography. She shook her head thinking that a war story might not be such a good idea, either.

  Once again Bernie was overwhelmed with doubts about what would happen today. Why in the world had she promised Aunt Rose she would do this? She almost wished Papa had forbidden her to go. Her hands were shaking and her knees felt weak. Perhaps it wasn’t too late to change her mind.

  Bernie was about to tell her aunt that she simply could not do this when she noticed a dog-eared copy of Mark Twain’s The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. That had been one of Nick’s favorite books. In fact, she sometimes thought that Nick was a lot like Tom Sawyer. The book was covered with dust, and she looked for a cloth to wipe it off. She smiled sadly as she realized how much she missed him. She reminded herself that she was doing this for Nick, and maybe even for Jack, too. But, in a way, she also had to do this for herself. She could not join the army as her brothers had, but she could try to be brave today.

  “It’s a lovely day for a drive,” Mother called pleasantly as Bernie climbed up into the seat of the auto. She was surprised to see Aunt Rose in the driver’s seat. Usually Grandmother Epperson’s handy man, Thomas, drove whenever she or Aunt Rose went somewhere.

  “When did you learn to drive?” Bernie asked as she climbed up and settled herself on the warm leather seat.

  “I started learning this past spring. I’d kept thinking about your essay that was published in the newspaper last year,” Aunt Rose said. “You see, what you wrote was good for me. I decided to become more independent. So, I asked your Aunt Lolly to teach me.”

  “I think it’s wonderful,” Bernie said. “But, what does Grandmother think about it?”

  Aunt Rose turned and looked sternly at Bernie over the top of her round spectacles.

  “Perhaps we ought to let this be our little secret,” Aunt Rose said. “I only take the machine out when your grandmother is having her nap.”

  Bernie didn’t know whether to laugh or cheer.

  They crossed the bridge and drove parallel to the river on the west side. It was, as Mother had said, a wonderful day for a drive. If only it were just a pleasure drive. Bernie took a deep breath and expelled it loudly.

  “You will be all right,” Aunt Rose said. “I was terribly nervous the first time I came out to the hospital. Just pretend you are talking with a friend or a relative. I brought some homemade sugar cookies and that usually is an ice-breaker. Remind me to give you some to share.”

  Aunt Rose stopped at the front desk to ask about her soldier and introduce Bernie.

  The woman at the desk smiled a crinkly smile. “Oh, good. I think our boys always like to talk to a pretty girl.” Then, realizing what she had said might cause hurt feelings, quickly added, “Not that they aren’t glad to see you, Rose. I know the young man you visit always looks forward to having you come.”

  Aunt Rose smiled and nodded her head.

  “Now, tell me,” the nurse asked Bernie, “Do you both want to visit Rose’s friend or would you like to see one of the soldiers by yourself?”

  Bernie didn’t have time to say, “Oh, I would prefer to go with my aunt.”

  Instead, Aunt Rose spoke up and said, “I am sure there are many boys who would like a visitor. I think she will do just fine on her own.”

  World War I was unlike any war before it due to the introduction of new weapons, such as machine guns, and chemical weapons, such as mustard gas. Poisonous gas caused blistering and burning, and it also suffocated and blinded soldiers. From May 1918 to June 1919 nearly 10,000 patients passed through the doors of this hospital, U.S. Army Camp Hospital Number 45, located in Aix-les-Bain, France. On top of all the war casualties, camp hospitals such as this were also overwhelmed by the numbers of men struck down by influenza. Pictured here is an influenza ward separated from the other wards by glass. (Courtesy of the National Library of Medicine)

  A nurse led Bernie down a long, dimly lit hall that was painted a dreadful pea-green color. It smelled of disinfectant that clashed with the aroma of thick paste wax on the wooden floors. They passed uniformed attendants pushing men in wheelchairs. Some of the patients had bandaged arms or legs. One man slumped limply to one side and his hands were curled up into gnarled fists. It was all that Bernie could do to keep from running in the other direction. She was gulping in air and exhaling it frantically. What if she fainted? That would be so embarrassing. As they reached the door of a ward with rows of beds on either side, the nurse paused and turned to her.

  “These boys have experienced things that none of us will ever know firsthand. Many of them have no idea what the future holds for them. They need your friendship. Introduce yourself and talk about anything that comes into your mind.”

  “I’ll try,” Bernie hardly recognized the sound of her own choked-up voice.

  She followed the nurse into the room. A man sat in a wheelchair near the window. His head was swathed in bandages.

  “Someone is here to visit you, Vincent,” the nurse said.

  The man did not turn his head to look at Bernie as she approached. The nurse pulled a wooden chair up next to him.

  “I’ll be back to get you in an hour,” the nurse said and left them.

  Bernie’s stomach flip-flopped. An hour! What in the world would she do for an entire hour?

  Bernie sat down and realized that not only was the man’s head bandaged, his eyes were bandaged, too. There were holes in the bandage, cut for his nose and mouth, but he did not speak.

  After a long awkward silence, Bernie managed to say faintly, “Hello, my name is Bernice Epperson, but everybody calls me Bernie.”

  There was no reply.

  “I’ve lived here all my life. I go to the high school in town across the river. I’ll be sixteen soon.”

  Even though there was no response from the man in the wheelchair, Bernie continued to talk. “My papa owns a store on the courthouse square. It’s called Epperson’s Emporium. I have two brothers. Both of my brothers joined the army. My oldest brother, Ben, almost died from influenza, so they sent him back home. Now he works in my father’s store. Papa wants him to take over the business someday, but Ben does not want to do this. He wants to be a photographer and explore the West. My father says that is a silly idea. He says no one can earn a living by being a photograph
er. My other brother, Nick, ran away to join the army when he was sixteen, and we don’t know where he is. We all miss him very much, even our dog, Sheppie. Sheppie lies on the porch all day in front of the door, just waiting for him to come back.”

  Bernie started to cry and could not stop. She got up and ran from the room. She stood outside in the hallway and leaned against the awful green wall to sob. This turned into hiccups that shook her body.

  A nurse came and brought her a glass of water. The nurse put a comforting arm around Bernie’s shoulder. “You’ll be all right.”

  The nurse went inside the room and came back out shortly. “As soon as you catch your breath, Vincent would like for you to come back and talk to him some more.”

  “I can’t,” Bernie’s voice was trembling. “I can’t do this. I’ve made such a mess of things. I just babbled on and on like an idiot. Whatever must he think of me?”

  “He told me that he wishes he had a sister like you.”

  18

  August 1918

  Discord

  Later that summer, sixteen-year-old Bernie and her Aunt Rose arrived only a few minutes before a Lafayette Franchise League meeting began. To their surprise the room was packed. There was a low, disconcerting murmur throughout the hall. Bernie had an uneasy premonition that something ominous was about to happen.

  Alice hurried up to them. “We tried to save seats for you with us but no luck. We did manage to find two seats together for you several rows behind us. See, Lizzie is holding them for you.”

  Bernie turned and saw Lizzie wave from seats about halfway back.

  “What’s going on?” Bernie asked.

  “I’m not certain, but I think trouble is brewing,” Alice said, as she and Lizzie hurried back to their seats next to Aunt Lolly in the second row and the sound of the president’s gavel called the meeting to order.

  Bernie knew that many of the suffragists were determined to continue the struggle to get a constitutional amendment passed so that women would have the right to vote in all elections. Others were convinced that this had to take a back seat to the war effort. The issue had caused disagreements in the last several meetings, but tonight she detected disturbing signs that they had reached a breaking point.

  After the meeting had been called to order and the opening ceremonies conducted, the president called for reports. Bernie sighed deeply. So far, everything seemed to be progressing as usual. Maybe it would be okay.

  The woman who headed up the Knitting Project spoke first. “I am proud to report that we have made and sent a total of two hundred and six pairs of woolen socks to our soldiers overseas.” There was a smattering of polite applause. “In addition, we are knitting scarves and hope to increase….” The woman trailed off as an undercurrent of voices began buzzing like angry bees throughout the crowd. The president pounded her gavel once more and called for order. The woman’s voice was a bit shaky as she continued her report, “For those of you who do not knit, we ask that you donate.…”

  “That’s all very well and good,” a member interrupted from the rear. “I concede that these are useful things to do. However, we have been meeting together here for a very long time, united for the one important purpose of getting the vote for women.” Bernie and Aunt Rose turned to look back and see who had spoken. It was a tall, thin woman with a surprisingly strong voice. “When are we going to get down to the business we really came here to do?”

  A few women backed her up, saying, “Yes. Yes. That’s right.”

  Another woman joined in, “We need to remember that we are the Lafayette Franchise League, part of the National American Woman Suffrage Association. We are not the Red Cross, as important as their work may be.”

  There were cries of approval for this speaker from all sides.

  A strident voice called out in opposition, “We must put the suffrage cause aside until after the war is over.”

  The president rapped and called for order again, but the members continued arguing.

  “This is no time to lose sight of our purpose,” said the tall, thin woman who had first spoken up. “We have come so far, made so much progress, we dare not quit. If we stop now, we won’t stay where we are, we will go backward. We’ll have to build up steam all over again.”

  Another woman rose and shouted indignantly, “Our country is at war. Our boys—our sons—are going overseas to fight. We must support them. How will it look if we continue to press for our own selfish interests and ignore our troops?”

  Before she had taken her seat, another woman jumped up and added, “I say it is downright unpatriotic for us to put our desire for the vote ahead of their well-being.”

  “No, it is more unpatriotic for us to give up on such a noble cause.”

  Bernie saw an older white-haired woman in the front row stand up. She recognized this woman who lived in one of the big houses up on the hill not far from where Grandmother Epperson lived. The woman’s voice was soft at first, but grew stronger as she spoke, “Those of you who know me, know that I’ve been working for women’s suffrage for a good many years. I don’t have much time to wait. I want to see women get the vote before I die.”

  Loud applause erupted after the woman sat down.

  Then Bernie heard the voice of her former third grade teacher. “President Wilson says we are fighting this war to make the world safe for democracy. What kind of a democracy is it that won’t allow women to vote?”

  Calls of “Amen” echoed throughout the hall.

  The members’ voices grew louder—with more emotion and vehemence. The women ignored another call for order from their president.

  “We were so close to achieving what we want with the Maston–McKinley Bill. I say press on.”

  “But Indiana’s supreme court ruled it unconstitutional.”

  “Is that a reason for us to abandon our cause and all our sisters in states that have not moved forward at all?”

  “The only way to secure our rights is to work for a federal constitutional amendment.”

  “Well, I have a son in the army and I’m going to continue to knit socks and write letters and do everything I can to support him and the other soldiers. The vote can wait.”

  “Don’t forget, though, there are women serving our country overseas as nurses. And, even they cannot vote. What are we doing for them?”

  During World War I women were asked to take over jobs left by men going to war. They worked on farms, in factories, and in other service industries. It was also the first time women were allowed to serve in the Navy and Marine Corps, filling positions such as nurses and as yeomen, serving as clerks. This National Woman Suffrage poster illustrates that women filled many roles during the war but only asked for one thing in return—the vote. (Gift of the League of Women Voters of Indiana, Indiana Historical Society Collections)

  The voices for and against working for suffrage bounced back and forth so quickly, becoming louder and louder, that it was almost impossible for anyone to be heard. The president again pounded her gavel on the podium, but no one seemed to pay any attention.

  A booming voice called out, “I know not what course you in this hall are going to take, but as for me, I want to be part of a group that stands behind our country in its struggle.”

  One determined woman stood and answered, “Very well. If that is the way you want it, you just put on the brakes. There are a lot of us who are going to continue to work so we can vote. Perhaps if women had the vote we wouldn’t be fighting this war. We’ve marched together for this cause before. I ask all of you who are determined to get the vote for women to follow me.” Next, the most disturbing sounds of all reached Bernie’s ears—chairs being pushed aside and people standing and then marching from the room. She was horrified to see almost half of their group leaving. Many of these were women who had become her friends during the trip to Washington, DC. They were dedica
ted women, and she wanted to march with them again.

  Bernie did not know what to do. The arguments of both sides were so convincing. But then she thought of Nick and Ben. She felt that if she marched out now, she would somehow betray her own brothers. She thought about Jack—kind, thoughtful Jack who had always stuck up for her. No matter how terrible she had been to him, he had always been there for her. She thought of her new friend Vincent, out at the veterans’ hospital. She could not give up her weekly visits to him. She had to do everything in her power to help the war effort even though her heart was with the suffragists who wanted the vote.

  Bernie’s heart did a sickening flip-flop inside her chest. She saw Aunt Lolly, Alice, and Lizzie moving out into the aisles to join the others who were leaving. Aunt Lolly’s eyes were red and her cheeks glistened with tears. Lizzie ducked her head as she passed the row where Bernie and Aunt Rose sat. Only Alice turned their way with a questioning look on her face, but Bernie could not decipher what her cousin meant by the expression.

  Bernie turned toward Aunt Rose and asked, “What do we do now?”

  Aunt Rose shook her head in dismay.

  “Tell me. What should I do?” Bernie pleaded. “Why does it have to be so hard?”

  “I can’t make this decision for you, Bernie.”

  Bernie started to stand, but Aunt Rose stayed seated. Bernie sat down again. At least she would have Aunt Rose on her side. She would not be completely alone with her choice.

  When the dissenters had gone, the meeting continued. Everyone who remained in the room seemed subdued. Bernie could barely force herself to listen to the rest of the reports. How could this have happened? What would this do to her family? Could they ever have good times together after this split? She remembered the stories she had heard of families who had been deeply divided and torn apart over the issue of slavery during the Civil War. Bernie didn’t think she could stand it if anything like that happened to her family because of a difference of opinion. What would it be like at school if Lizzie never spoke to her again? What if Alice never came over to take her out in the car again? What if there were no more family gatherings at the farm? She wondered if she had made the correct decision.